Can Digital Nomads Find Community On the Road?
Maybe it’s about defining what community truly means to you.
On the road, off the road, traversing the world…
The first question about community is: What Does Community Mean to You?
Because it means something different to each person. Some people define it as a group of like-minded people (ie: writers, artists, rock climbers, etc.).
Others define it as a group of close friends. Some define it as family. I have asked myself this question a lot recently.
In a few vanlife documentaries, people claimed the only downside to vanlife was a lack of community.
One person in the documentary defined community as — when people in your neighborhood know your name.
Like the local coffee shop owners, etc. And when you frequent these places you’re able to talk to the people who work there. I definitely have that where I currently live. I know the names of the owners of all my local shops and even became friends with several. I really like them all as people, but it doesn’t amount to much more than small talk.
When I went to Barcelona in 2019 and spent ten days there, the coffee shop employees at the local cafe also knew my name and made small talk with me. This is not the definition of community for me. I make friends easily so wherever I travel if I frequent a place several times; I know the proprietor or employees. This is not something that anchors me to a particular town.
Small talk, in my opinion, is shallow.
What community isn’t; even though superficially these examples may lure you in.
When I lived in Sausalito, I was included in a small group of friends that would meet every single morning for coffee.
I knew that no matter the day, if I showed up, the same four to seven people would be there and I fit right in. At the time I loved it and was sad to leave until I found out that they were gossiping about me behind my back.
It was mostly men, just one woman, and apparently, they were talking about me inappropriately when I wasn’t there and spreading around some personal tidbits I had confided confidentially. This was the closest I’ve ever come to what I would define as “community” since my divorce 20 years ago, and blech! No thanks!
Back when I was married I had a pretty tight-knit community and our house was the cool house, where everyone congregated, hung out and partied.
But it wasn’t real. It centered around drugs. The “friends” came to our house because we had good weed and I cooked dinner for everyone and cleaned up after them. We had all the video game systems and would sit around getting high and playing video games for hours.
I’m clean, sober and divorced now, so none of that happens anymore. I won’t lie, though. I loved those nights. I really felt “part of” and I really felt close to those groups of friends, who all abandoned me when I left my marriage and quit smoking pot.
So What Is Community?
True connections can be made while traveling, even if you don’t speak one another’s language.
While in Italy several years ago I sat in a cafe all day to work. I befriended the owner (I didn’t know he was the owner until a year later because of the language barrier) and the next day he took me on a trip, on the back of his moped, to an island!
We’re still friends over three years later and I’ve gone back to visit him and spend more time on his favorite island. This, I define as community!
Developing strong friendships with people around the world and people from all walks of life.
I don’t have a “community” in the typical sense of the word. I am not close to my family, and my friends don’t know each other. I have one close friend here, another there. I talk to a few people daily but I didn’t label this as my community — until now. These friends will stay my close friends no matter where I go in the world.
So it comes down to the definition.
My past definition was a group of people who all know each other and include one another in events, gatherings, hangouts, dinners, etc. But now my definition has morphed.
Part of the reason I wanted to travel was to find a community of like-minded people. But now I realize that’s a myth (at least for me). A dream I can chase but never catch.
When “friends” show you what they are and aren’t capable of; believe them.
Actions really do speak louder than words.
You know how “they” say, “You find out who your true friends are when you’re the most in need.”
I’ve found that to be true repeatedly in my life. Something recently happened to me and I desperately needed emotional support. Only two people were there for me. But after I recovered and told several people I’d labeled as acquaintances, they were there too.
It’s interesting that people who I have always been there for; people I counted on to be there for me — were not. This also helped shape and redefine my definition of community.
Not everyone can be available when their friends need them but all they need to do is communicate this. It’s common sense and denotes respect.
Otherwise it’s just hurtful and selfish.
I reached out to a friend years ago in a time of need.
She said, “I’m so sorry but I’m just not in the right place to be there for anyone right now. It’s not personal and I love you but I just can’t.”
That’s communication. That’s genuine friendship. And we’re still friends today.
Community Redefined.
The definition grows, morphs, and changes.
Currently, it consists of people that truly care and give, not just people who receive. Friends that span the globe. Some are here in California, one in Ireland, another in New York, another in Barcelona, and beyond. And these people will come with me on the road, not physically, but they’ll be there.
They will remain my confidantes, the people I call and turn to in times of need and vice versa. The ones who know I have their backs as much as they have mine.
Communication, unconditional love, mutual respect, and compassion. That’s how I now define community.
Thank you for reading! I’d love to inspire you even more with my bi-monthly newsletter.
